Imagine what life would be like without your mother. Imagine what life would be without your mother when you needed a mother the most. Such thoughts just as this can never be imaginable because who could ever imagine their life without their mother by their side. You were created with having the unconditional love of your mother always with you even at an old age. Such unimaginable things become imaginable for my father. What he or anyone else could not imagine became exactly that.
A father who was once a child, my father who was once a little boy had the unimaginable break his whole life. As he was just playing outside in the streets of Sersinkê, he was told that his mother had just died unexpectedly. The sentence of "your mother is dead" was processed as a joke to my father because it was unimaginable to him to hear that at such a young age. Though he soon found out that jokes like this could never be made and what he initially thought was wrong. That sentence became a sentence forever embedded in his head as it was a break from his reality and what he thought could never happen to him or his younger siblings. My father who left his home to go play outside in Serinkê with a mother waiting for him, came home to no mother waiting. There was no love. No mother. No symbol of light waiting for my father's return. It was just the unimaginable.
As you would think such hardships would end there for my father, who as a little boy, had to grow up much faster to care for his younger sister and baby brother. However, the hardships didn't end there. My father, who grew up never knowing where his mother's grave was, had left such a tremendous hole in his heart for many years. My father's relationship with his dad continued to decrease after each year because of the tragedy that occurred. His dad, who didn't identify where he had buried his wife after so many years, created my father's hole in his heart to become larger in every way possible.
The first time I saw my own father cry who, at the time only seemed to scare me, was when he walked into the cemetery of Sersinkê. This was the only time where I have ever seen him completely helpless even to this day. Walking into a cemetery and only know a bit of information as to where his mother may be. He spent years going back to Kurdistan back to that cemetery to see if he could find her. To finally know where she is resting and finally say goodbye. To say a proper goodbye and not feel so helpless anymore. My father took me to the cemetery of Sersinkê where I saw tears streaming down his face as he walked back and forth in the land of the cemetery hoping to be one step closer to finding his symbol of love and life. Hoping that by walking around he will remember anything that might be able to help him to finally get to feel his mother again.
Imagine that. Having a mother one second to never seeing her again and not even getting the chance to say goodbye after all these years. My father who now has a wife and kids, where he named his first daughter after his mother and who now lives in a completely different country still did not get the chance to say goodbye or know where she was buried. He was still processing and recovering from the unimaginable
However, as we are often told all tragic stories have a good ending right? His father who spent years not telling anyone where he had buried his wife was finally brought to Serinkê by my father's brother. Where his father declared a piece of Kurdistan the land where he had buried his wife. A piece of land that my father walked past countless of times throughout the years, became the piece of land that he wanted to crawl under and never get back up. Where he wanted to hold and cry because he finally got to say goodbye for the first time. He was finally home because home was where his mother was, and where his mother was still waiting for him to return. Even after all these years.
My father finally got what was seen as unimaginable. He finally got his goodbye and I finally got to meet my beautiful grandma and declare myself as her granddaughter for the first time.
I love you Rêba.
Happy Fathers Day Babo!!
I want to wish everyone else's fathers a Happy Fathers Day as well. The fathers that pretty much left their life back in their home countries just so their children could receive everything that was only seen as a dream to the parents.
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