MY BIGGEST REGRET;
Such regret that I face when I reflect on the memories that I could have with you. The regret of having such clouded judgement and my fathers memories get a hold of my love for you. I regret not taking the time to get to know you because I was holding your mistakes close to my heart. My biggest regret is not creating the relationship I have with you now a long time ago. Why is this my biggest regret? It's because reflecting on our relationship now I could not love you more. As a secure loving father figure to me, my biggest regret is not accepting the love you had for me. The regret I have in my heart is being constantly remembered by the memories of my hate during those years. Memories of not even wanting to see you because my fathers hate as a child was growing inside of me. Hating on such decisions that were made in low points of your life, in which I was not even able to comprehend, but still continued to cancel my love for you. My biggest regret could possibly be never giving you the chance you deserved to know your granddaughter as a young woman. If I had known that my heart was going to be as full as it could possibly be just seeing you laugh and smile, I would have never let someone else's hate darken my eyes to your lovely smile. If I loved you from the beginning I wouldn't feel such sorrow in my heart because I knew I was hurting you.
My beautiful grandpa who I call my best friend. I was able to create a relationship with you by destroying what hate I had for you. Day by day I felt your presence in my heart with each consisting heart beat. I had this regret in my heart because I would never let someone take control of my love for you. I had this big regret to where I needed you to know how much my love for you was never going to change. I would hug you before you walked to the mosque to pray and hug you whenever you returned. If I left for a day or two I wanted to come home just to see you and tell you how much I love you. I did this because this regret still haunts me. I was given a relationship where I never knew could be possible with you cause I allowed hate out of my life. A relationship where we would take pictures and make funny faces or recreate Pelistank TV songs. To the point where it became our thing for me to yell out "Babpîru" and you would respond "ah Kecha min".
But, my biggest regret soon became my best friend and the reason for the space in my heart growing bigger and the quality of my love growing stronger.
This is dedicated to my grandpa and the regret I have for not creating a relationship with him in 2012 or 2013 when I went. I'm happy though my trip to Kurdistan in 2014 changed my life forever, I love you Babpîr.